Comic transcript
Waffles, Shark, and Remora are aboard a submarine.
Remora: Our boss is currently in his "secret office"
The sub enters an underwater cave. Deep inside is a door. "How is the weather?" is etched along the top in Doris' handwriting. "CRAWDADDY SECRET LAIR!" reads the sign on the door. On the wall, somebody has written "WAFFLES WAS HERE!!" and "stop writing on the walls dude -P."
Remora: It's just through these doors!
Waffles: Huh...
Remora: Hey Boss! Check out this funny little guy we found!
CRAWDADDY sits behind his desk. His bachelor's degree from Business University hangs on the far wall, as well as a sign reading "If you see a creature that looks like this Do NOT let it in the building." It is Waffles.
Crawdaddy: ...
Waffles: Hello "Crawdaddy" I have come to destroy you and take your place as ruler of mermaid society!
Remora: Tee Hee
Waffles: I shall destroy you in ANY manner of your choosing! CHESS! POKER! RAP BATTLE! Choose wisely, for I am-
KICK
Crawdaddy has stood up. He towers over Waffles.
Waffles: I SEE... YOU HAVE CHOSEN COMBAT!
Waffles puts on his suit. Now he towers over Crawdaddy.
Waffles: BIG MISTAKE
WHAM
Waffles sends Crawdaddy crashing through three floors and one birthday celebration. Crawdaddy looks up. Waffles waves down at him.
Fish: FREEZE!
Waffles twists his head 180 degrees. A squid, a mermaid, and a pufferfish have laser guns trained on him.
BANG BANG BANG BANG
Waffles stretches out, weaving between the blasts.
CHOMP!
He bites into the mermaid, who collapses. Pufferfish inflates out of fright!! Squid retreats!
Waffles leaps into the hole in the floor.
THUNK
Birthday celebrants cower in fear. Swordfish, who turns 45 today, holds back tears.
DING!
Crawdaddy has entered the elevator.
Waffles: HEY! HEY YOU GET BACK HERE!
TAP TAP TAP
Crawdaddy mashes the close button.
Waffles: RAH!
Waffles' fist connects with the shut elevator door. It dents. He considers the buttons.
ZOOP
Waffles calls the elevator to go up.
Waffles: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BY THE WAY
DING!
Mrs. LePerdu and the pink mermaid emerge from the elevator.
Waffles: COME ON LADIES, IS HE REALLY WORTH IT?
Mermaid: GO BACK TO HELL, DEMON!
LePerdu: I NO LONGER CONSIDER YOU A FAMILY FRIEND
Waffles: ALRIGHT THEN!
Swordfish: OH GOD
Waffles wields Swordfish.
Waffles: ENGARDÉ!!!
Mermaid: HE HE HE- ACK!
Swordfish: SORRY...
CLANG!
The pink mermaid catches Swordfish in a bind with her rapier. Waffles grins, and sticks her with his nose.
Mermaid: BWEH!
Mrs. LePerdu comes in from behind.
KRIN!
ZWOOP!
TING!
K-CHANG
She disarms Waffles...
SLASH!
...and draws blood. Waffles is shocked. Swordfish's nose is broken. He is inconsolable.
The words "Pardon Me" are engraved at the base of Mrs. LePerdu's blade.
Waffles: A Polite Weapon... WAIT- TIME OUT!
LePerdu: I sincerely apologize for stabbing you
Waffles: NO!
Waffles trembles. Mrs. LePerdu smiles. Then she sees the clock on the wall.
LePerdu: Oh it is 5pm
Mrs. LePerdu clocks out, gets in the submarine with her husband, and goes home.
CLICK
She opens the door and climbs into bed.
Meanwhile, the pink mermaid has recovered. Waffles reaches to grab her from across the room without looking.
SQUEAK!
Waffles enters the elevator and rides it to the fifth floor, where they keep the tear in the fabric of reality.
Waffles: ALRIGHT CRAWDADDY... YOU MOBSTER LOBSTER, PREPARE TO-
BANG!
Waffles: YOU... SHOT ME. THAT'S... THAT'S SO... BORING
Crawdaddy freezes.
Waffles: I MEAN HOW IS THAT A FAIR FIGHT? WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A GUN- AND WE CAN DUEL OR SOMETHING?
BANG!
Waffles chews on the slug Crawdaddy put in his head...
PTEW!
...and spits it right out.
Waffles: YOU'RE NO FUN...
DING!
Every one of Crawdaddy's minions is here.
Mermaid: SURRENDER NOW! YOU'RE OUTNUMBERED!!
Waffles: DAMN... SO MUCH FOR BEING POLITE
RUMBLE RUMBLE
The ground crumbles under Waffles' feet as he stretches up to his full height. A wall of green fire issues forth from his mouth, isolating Crawdaddy from his minions.
Crawdaddy: WHAT...ARE YOU?
Waffles: I'M A DOG!
Crawdaddy stands horrified as the glowing green jaws of the dog close around him.
SNAP
Waffles assumes his more familiar form.
Waffles: ...
The others are at a loss for words.
Waffles: BURP! hnng...
Waffles belches up Crawdaddy's tie and cuff links.
Waffles: YOU!
Remora: watcha need boss?
Shark: what can we do for you?
Waffles: can I have a bandaid?
Comments (75)
This chapter was actually sick as hell, that dog was NOT bluffing!
“Why is everyone so mean 2 me “
i was just about to make this comment omg
I JUST REALIZED HOW CAKED UP BRO IS
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING HE'S SO CAKED UPPP!?!?!?!?
It is Polite and Good to bring cake on party.
why tf he so caaaked
I cannot believe I initially missed the wall of slain cats when this chapter first dropped. They were right there the whole time!
Where is that, I can't seem to find it?
It’s to the right of the elevator in the panel before Waffles calls Crawdaddy a mobster lobster
What the heck is that last face
it's what forgivenes sounds like, skeaming and then silence.
That's the sound of people drowning -_-
I KNOW XP
w-waffles?
HE IS THE MOST POWERFUL 👹🐈⬛