Comic transcript
Broccoli and Doris are sitting at the tea table
Broccoli: And THAT is how you noodle a catfish
Lady Doris: What a thrilling tale!
Lady Doris: Why, I feel as if I were right there with you, Broccoli
Broccoli: What did YOU do while I was away?
Lady Doris: Oh, nothing much~
Lady Doris: Tell me more about this “Space Princess” cartoon,
It’s sounds fun
Broccoli: Right…
Well—
I think I described the entire plot already
Lady Doris: Oh
Broccoli: What is the most FUN thing YOU have ever done?
Lady Doris: hmm
Lady Doris: I think our teatimes are very fun
aren’t they?
Broccoli: The…most fun thing you’ve ever done?
Lady Doris: Sure
Broccoli: [Bites “Sure” speech bubble]
CRUNCH
MUNCH MUNCH
Lady Doris: …
Broccoli: Bleh
Lady Doris: More tea for your boot, Broccoli?
Broccoli: Sure
Broccoli: Is this…
Is this what I’m for?
Broccoli: Teaparties?
Lady Doris: Would that be so bad?
Lady Doris: We can do something else if you—
Broccoli: No, no it’s okay
Broccoli: But I…would like to know
Broccoli: Why did you make me…
Lady Doris?
Lady Doris: Well…
I made you…
Because
I WANTED A FRIEND
Lady Doris: I hope that answer does not…disappoint you
Broccoli: No no
It doesn’t
That is actually very…
That is actually very sweet
Broccoli: I want to be your friend Lady Doris…
…but I…
I…feel like I hardly know you?
Broccoli: Everything we say back and forth to eachother
is so scripted
When we have tea together
It feels…
Like some kind of
Performance
Lady Doris: A grand performance!
Indeed…that is how “being friends” works!
Broccoli: No! No it isn’t I—
I want to KNOW you!
Broccoli: The real you…
And I want you to know me too…
Lady Doris: …
Lady Doris: Well I certainly appreciate your perspective, Broccoli
Lady Doris: Your new cloak is lovely, by the way
Did you make it yourself?
Broccoli: Yes
Lady Doris: And how about this weather we are having?
Broccoli: What are you even saying?
Lady Doris: …
Lady Doris: Did you catch the game last night—
Broccoli: GOODNESS GRACIOUS Lady Doris TALK TO ME LIKE A REAL PERSON
Lady Doris:
Broccoli:
Lady Doris: It’s not Polite…to shout
Lady Doris:
You wish to know me?
Fine.
Lady Doris: I have decided you may ask me,
One
Impolite question, Broccoli
Just one!
And then we shall finish our Polite and Good teaparty where we say nothing but Polite and Good things such as:
How is the weather, please, thank you, goodbye, how are you, etcetera
Lady Doris: Do we have a deal?
Broccoli: [Writes “YES”]
Broccoli: I already know what I will ask—
Lady Doris: As do I
Broccoli: How is that?
Lady Doris: I am
Omniscient
Broccoli: Wha
Lady Doris: Behind you
Gift of Understanding: Omniscient:
All Knowing
Broccoli: All?
Lady Doris: Past present and future
I’m a non-linear Lady
Broccoli: Lady Doris you do NOT know Everything
Lady Doris: I do though
Broccoli: There is TOO MUCH TO KNOW!
Lady Doris: I disagree
Broccoli: If you know everything…
What’s in my pocket
Lady Doris: hmm
Lady Doris: There is your camera
Your room-stick
And some candy your little mermaid friend gave you
Broccoli: What kind of candy?
Lady Doris: It’s just a peppermint…
THERE WERE OTHERS…
TWO CHOCOLATES
A FIREBALL
THREE JELLY BEANS
A GUMMI FISH
A FOREBODING AMALGAM
But you ate them, sparing only the peppermint
Because peppermints are both HOT and COLD at the same time, and this frightens you
Broccoli: Do you…know everything I’m going to say?
Lady Doris: Yes, Broccoli
Both: Beep bop
Both: One Hundred!
Thirty-nine!
FOUR!
I AM POLITE AND GOOD
I STOLE YOUR KNIFE
Lady Doris: Oh, but that’s alright…
You wont hurt me…
Will you Broccoli?
Lady Doris: Now go on and ask your question
Broccoli: You already know what it is, don’t you?
Lady Doris: Ask anyway
Broccoli: Am I real to you?
Lady Doris:
You are not real.
Lady Doris: I wanted you to be but I couldn’t—
Can never quite get it right…
Lady Doris: DESPITE
MY BEST EFFORTS
YOU ARE
LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE
I HAVE MADE…
Lady Doris: unable to deviate
from the
path
I have laid for you
Lady Doris: You are nothing more than you were made to be…
Lady Doris: Thank you
For being my friend, Broccoli













Comments (50)
“I stole your knife!”
“Oh, but that is alright. You wouldn’t hurt me, would you?”
I do not like the implication that Lady Doris can be killed.
i think i do.
why how plot point hate farther then ether
am i real to you?
you are not real (not 'you are not real to me', just objectively not real)
but broccoli no longer has her knife
I like the implication that Lady Doris can be killed.
I think that one guy was right before.
It is a knife that can cut anything. The "godkiller" knife
Where is pigeon517? Are they alright? Can pigeons produce milk?
did you know that pigeons make milk?
Thank you
i'm starting to think pigion517 is like the Sanadacchi in sbs
Thank heavens I was beginning to fear Old Pigeon had caught the plague
i think that meeting student may have changed the 'unable to deviate' thing, i mean, they caused entropy in the void. also after Broccoli said they stole the knife Lady Doris said that they wouldnt hurt her, so does she not know olive has it?
Also when Student spoke on their own, they literally deviated from the script they were repeating, so it seems like Student might be the one thing that isn’t bound to the deterministic path.
But that’s because they’re the one thing that lady Doris did not create
As heartbreaking as it is, assuming she is telling the truth, at least it is better than a lie. She can't help it if she does not have the ability to create something beyond her control. Granted, I still don't know what happens next so she could be lying...
The polite and good song implies that Lady Doris is a metaphor for God. This is very unnerving and has some very unorthodox implications. It makes me question if secret pie believes in free will.
Why do you belive in free will? When you (or anyone/anything) does something its a reaction to something else, and how you respond to that is dicated by your envirement and who you are. Doing something random is impossiple cuz its the only way you in that paricualr situatun whoud have responded...
secret pie did refer to broccoli soup as a "deranged bible fanfic" so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
but in this case the case of characters having no free will is due to them being comic characters, doing only what the author wants them too. even doris is stuck on this